from a dream I had back in Fall of ’85

We, that is, myself and generic people to whom I was closely related, were in the kitchen of a house which was, mostly, but was not quite, our childhood house in Webster Groves.

I decided I should explore. I walked through the door which should have led to the small hallway, which would lead to the bedrooms But found myself immediately in a stairwell of dark stained wood and paneling not so well maintained. It wound clockwise going up in a square spiral with three or four stairs and then right turns. As I climbed higher there were gaps in the wood panels and outside I could see a clear blue sky and felt the crisp autumn air.

I began to see beautiful giant autumn leaves as big as my face. Maple leaves. The were beautiful yet shocking. After about two more cycles of landings, the big leaves that floated down past the gaps in the panel opened suddenly into large beautiful butterflies as the gaps in the panel became wider and more plentiful. This was also pleasant as it was also shocking …and I soon became unsure that the stairs would support me. Luckily as it all began to collapse beneath my feet I arrived at the destination of the staircase… a wide open dimly lit attic of non-descript walls and an
old, well-worn faded dark stained hardwood floor. It was a bit unsteady and gave under your feet much like a wood slat and rope walk bridge, but where I was walking was mostly solid, but this solidity dropped off into waves the closer I got to the opposite wall.

Suddenly I noticed my father standing near the edge where the floor was most unsteady…and then suddenly my sisters (who were now next to me) and I noticed that there was no wall in front of him. In unison, we shouted “NOOOO!” As he fell off the edge to the ground (it was now night) we followed him to see if he was alright. We floated down. He had struck the ground lying down, face first, as we were floating down several feet above. We reached the ground and bent over him and turned him over. He hadn’t survived.